fifteen things i’ll never do by mae west

mae west black and white

1] Take another woman’s man. Not intentionally, that is. Even though all’s fair in love and war and it ain’t no sin.

2] Try to be anything but myself at all times, publicly and privately, except on the stage or screen, for that’s where acting belongs.

3] Cook, bake, sew, wash dishes, peel potatoes, eat onions, or bite my nails.

4] Wear white cotton stockings or join a nudist colony.

5] Like opera, number thirteen, yodelling, cold spaghetti, rats, snails, men who shave their necks, or over-ripe bananas.

6] Care for people who whistle in dressing rooms or checks that bounce as high as the stratosphere.

7] Play mother parts, sad parts, dumb parts, or a virtuous wife, betrayed or otherwise. I pity weak women, good or bad, but I can’t like them. A woman should be strong either in her goodness or badness.

8] Go nuts about classical music, sandwiches, cigar smoke, places that smell like hospitals, and black nail polish.

9] Get excited over night clubs, contract bridge, fan dancing, bobby sox, the stock market, badminton, or bust developers.

10] Be thrilled to death by orchids, anonymous love letters, souvenir postcard folders, earthquakes, slave bracelets, or beds with hard mattresses.

11] Be bothered by Scotch money-lenders or boys who lisp.

12] Believe the worst about anybody without complete proof nor will I believe that it’s useless to struggle against so-called Fate – the phony!

13] Walk when I can sit, or sit when I can recline. I believe in saving my energy – for important things.

14] Write a story that is unsophisticated, because I believe that innocence is as innocent doesn’t.

15] Marry a man who is too handsome, a man who drinks to excess or doesn’t carry his liquor like a gentleman, a man who is easy to get, easily led into temptation – unless I do the leading.


wise words from the blonde goddess of doing wrong but making it feel oh-so-right. such the temptress! by sv